Happy Anecdotes

Anecdote #1:

My wonderful co-worker Josieanne shared a beautiful story with me today at lunch that I wanted to pass along.

Josieanne, like so many, was orphaned by the genocide here in Rwanda.  Shortly after it ended she met an old man who was able to keep her parents legacy alive but sharing this story with her...
He asked her name.  She told him her given name, the name her father bestowed upon her at birth as is customary for the father to name the child.  The old man told her her name meant "best wife, good mother."  He asked her siblings names.  The eldest's name "to be beautiful" and the middle "to always be clear."  He explained that a father names his children to honor the mother, to express to his wife how he feels. The old man told Josieanne that her father wanted her mother to know how much he cared for her.  He saw her as a beautiful and clear woman who made the best wife. Seventeen years later, Josieanne carries the legacy of her mother and the love of her father.

Anecdote #2: 

Sharing is caring....Today I gave the boys lollipops (courtesy of my mom).  Eric was going on a home visit in the afternoon so he saved his lollipop and gave it to his baby sister, who then shared it with her friend :)

 

Give a man a fish...

About a month ago a young mother walked through the gate at work with her five day old baby girl.  My co-workers knew her well, months before she had stood at our gate in tears.  Her husband left her when she was 7 months pregnant, without resources and with their two other children.  Josieanne and Charles consoled her and did what they could to help her; paying her rent and health insurance to make sure that her baby would be healthy. 

On this day she was returning to show us her new girl and was looking for more support.  Her rent was due and with a new baby, working was not an options.  I offered to take care of her $2 rent for the month because a mother of three needs to have a roof over her head.  Over the last few weeks I have returned to visit her and her children, bringing clothes and offering my hand as a friend.  But this has presented an all too familiar dilemma, how do you give a hand up without giving a hand out? I am troubled by this as I face poverty daily in Rwanda. 

The proverb, "Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime," rings in my head quite regularly.  I have a strict personal policy of not giving beggars money or handing over cash to individuals because I see this as merely temporary bandaid, tomorrow they will need more.  I believe this perpetuates poverty and creates great dependency.  But I am afraid I have created this dependency with the woman I was only trying to befriend and support.  She now expects things and after my most recent visit is  even willing to ask.  I want to pay for her eldest child to begin school because I see this as a solution to poverty but how do I pay for school fees with the understanding that she needs to work to afford them on her own? 

I am struggling with this conundrum.  The one thing I do know is that collectively we need to work on solutions not temporary quick fixes. But how exactly do we do this when there is so much need?

8 people, a baby and a compact car...Uganda

I have just returned home from a wonderful trip to Uganda.  I originally planned this trip in order to extend my 90 day Rwandan visa.  We traveled from Kigali to Lake Bunyonyi in the south of the country where we stayed on an island for the weekend.  

Although the border in theory is only about an hour and a half outside of Kigali, our journey ended up taking about 8 hours, 5 different vehicles and 4 modes of transportation.  We began in mini-bus that took around 2 hours to fill and leave.  We then walked across the border, picked up a small shared taxi in which we jammed 8 adults and a baby.  After arriving in the town of Kabale, we transferred to motorbike which took us up a long bumpy road though stone quarries and hills.  And finally we paddled in dug-out canoe to our island.  It was well worth the trek and hey, TIA [this is Africa]!

Cow by the lake

lake shore market

Catching crayfish, I later ate them and they were delicious!

the market, everyone arrives by boat

the dug-out canoe to the island

canoe school bus

our geodome where we stayed

national bird of Uganda, the grey crowned crane

dug-out canoes

The town of Kabale

 
Uganda is a lovely country with beautiful and kind people! I would love to return one day to spend more time.

Day 2 in the field

Danelle is an orphan.  His grandmother raised him.  He has been at the center since March and after visiting his home I cannot really understand why he left; maybe a curious young boy in search of adventure in the big city.

We waited outside Danelle's home surrounded by goats and banana trees and curious neighbors while someone from the village went to fetch his grandmother from a neighbor's home.  A little old lady hunched from years of working the land hurried up the road towards us.  She took one look at Danelle and tears welled in her eyes. 

She told us she had worried about him every second of the last months.  She had sent people to look for him and went to his school to try to find him.  She even called prisons to see if they had picked him up.  Finally she assumed he was gone forever, maybe even dead.  But now, she was just so happy to see her grandson!

She took us inside her little mud house and told Danelle to gather his things.  She had saved it all for him hoping one day he might return.  She told us she dreamed of him most nights.  At this point leaning against the door frame, tears began to roll down her weathered cheeks.  She had her grandson back, she knew he was ok, and for that moment all was good in the world.

As we prepared to leave, after promises were made for more visits, she scrambled through her purse looking for a pen she could give him for his studies.  I am pretty sure she would have given him the world if she could of.  It's an amazing thing to see- the power of love. 

Gorilla Trekking

Trekking the famous mountain gorillas in Rwanda's Volcanoes National Park.  Thanks mom for footing the bill!!

Day 1 in the Field

Preface: In addition to teaching English to the boys at Les Enfants de Dieu (EDD), part of my time is spent with the social workers as the ultimate goal of the project is to support and foster family structure in Rwanda.  The aim is to eventually place boys back with family, if there is family, and nurture healthy relationships.  I spend time in the field where we try and start the rebuilding process. Here is one story...

Alex is 17 years old and has never met his father.  He is a quiet boy who has a calm demeanor.  I am unsure what exactly prompted him to leave home and take refuge on the streets but he made his way to EDD 4 years ago and now the time had come to find Alex's father. 

In the States when someone decides to reunite with an estranged sister or biological parent, many turn to private investigators who scour public records and spend hours making phone calls.  Here, when the journey for a lost relative begins you go knocking on doors, on drives around towns and villages, and talk to countless strangers.  For Alex, we began at his sister's home, down a bumpy dirt road built into the hillside, asking if she knew where to look.  All she could tell us was that her mother should know.  So, with the help of a neighbor we made our way to Rwanda Coffee where she worked.

Rwanda Coffee is an operation unlike anything I've ever seen.  A hill of buildings and warehouses and semi-trucks.  Women wander the property as they take breaks from sorting beans.  The warehouse, where we eventually located Alex's mom, was astounding! Hundreds of women line the floor sitting in front of piles two feet high of coffee beans.  One hundred kilo bag of coffee make barriers between the groups of women.  I felt sort of sick as I stood and watched the women sift through millions of beans.  On one hand they are employed and making some sort of income but I could not imagine sitting day after day on a concrete floor picking through small bits of caffeine. 

Alex's mom took us to town where she thought the father might be; an area of small shops, random hardware stores and people sitting around socializing.  We began asking if anyone knew him.  Door to door we went, every time the answer was no, with the one exception of the local drunk who knew a boxer by that name.  We were told maybe we should find a phone number. Hmmm, we hadn't though of that one! I just felt really discouraged and every time I looked at Alex I just felt sad.  Seventeen years and he has never know half of who he is. 

The only other thing his mother could think of was a motor bike driver who knew where he lived.  But when a motorbike driver can be anywhere in a fifteen mile radius, and this particular one is phone-less, finding him is about as easy as finding the needle in the haystack.  Maybe it goes without saying that at the end of it all, Alex would spend another day without his father. 

He turned to me as we drove away, not much closer than we were hours before, and said, "It's very hard."  I hastily replied, "I know.  Trying to find your father is not going to be easy, it is very difficult."  But what I think he really meant was that having spent 17 years not knowing his father was very hard.  I could see it in his eyes. 

A Little Slice of Kid Heaven- Les Enfants de Dieu

At the age of 8, when asked what his father's occupation is, Kaka responds, "to beat me."  In the 8 short years of his life this child, too small to defend himself, knows his father only by the beatings he has received.  It is written all over his face, scars mark his left eye and cheek.  Though the scars may never fade from his small face, there is now something else that will not fade either. 

Les Enfants de Dieu (EDD) is a rehabilitation center for 126 street boys, all brought from the streets where they were left to fend for themselves.  These boys as young as 7 have spent their days and nights searching for food, money and shelter with no help from anyone on the streets of Kigali.  They leave home in hopes of finding money growing on trees in the big city, some are orphans, many have been abused but one thing they all are is children.  They all deserve a life free from struggle and pain.

Many boys come to the center with broken spirits, lots struggle with addiction problems. Les Enfants de Dieu becomes a home, a family, and a second chance at childhood.  Going from living a life of free-will on the streets and coming to the center where there are rules can be a rough transition for some.  Kaka I was told tried to run away many times, there are others who have gone and never come back, but for those who stay the impact is obvious. 

All day long at the center you hear laughing and screaming; constant chatter where there is hardly a moment of calm, that is how it should be.  These 126 boys no longer have to worry where their next meal is coming from, they can focus on school and more importantly who won last night's football match.  They run and jump and play, sometimes they fight, but what brothers don't?  They perfect their football skills and dance to all the latest hits.  Some write raps about life on the streets, as they can never forget where they've come from, but now at least they can share it with their 125 brothers and go to bed knowing they're safe.  They can just be kids.

And Kaka is now working hard on reading and writing, his letters are starting to take shape.  He rarely stops to stand still, always in motion with a big toothy grin pasted on his face.  EDD has given Kaka back his childhood, and though his scars will remain his smile outshines them all!